i had 3hrs break today..no idea y but i got soooooo tired...was late to coll n i called up lu yi...due to my blurness, i dont noe whrs the class was...n she said shes at umar *mamak place* so i went lookin for her...she n others from diff grp were thr as well....i sat down n she told me tht ms rosaline stopped indhuja from enterin the class..hmm not exactly stopin her but she locked the door! how do u expect us to enter the class? knockin the door wont help...cuz ms rosaline is one hell scariest lecturer among others..shes not bad but she just lurve acting as one strict lecturer n loves tormenting us with her cruelity...so i didnt get to attend her class....again..its my 2nd time now...n we had 3hrs break after tht...so me, lu yi melissa n pei mei left to ridzuan. a hostel nearby for students..went to pei meis hse n suppoisngly, we were supposed to take pictures..i was in charge to help them out in takin pics of them so they could progress in their assignments...too bad once we reached pei meis hse, all of us slacked around n i was lyin on her bed..we lepak n thn i find the bed comfy..ekekek believe me,it happens all the time...the last time was lilys sofa n now pei meis bed! sleepy head..heh took some pics thr..nice pics we took...just waiting for pei meis friend to get it transfered to the pc..cuz the camera wasn't pei meis belonging...was her friends... thn we ended up spendin toomuch time in her hse n we didnt get to take pics...for their assignments purposes...blame me..

went back to coll to eat n i had watermelon!! ekekek kinda fresh n it tasted so sweet ekeke n juicy!! yumm yummy~ *drools* i have cravings for fruits btw..n we all went to the computer lab waiting for ms tessie..n damn it...our firneds told us tht she's not gonna have class cuz she was suspected in havin food poisonin n she wasn't feelin too well....i mean, WHAT?? i havent sit for any class then!!! called up mom n she scolded me cuz i told her to come at 2 n whn she just reached grandma hse in kl, i called up again askin her to pick me up instantly! but it wasnt my fault...i wouldnt noe or foresee all these rite? fine...thn godfather called up..met up with him at one of the restaurants n he passed me the name list of sponsors for my event, masscolympic thingy...got to talk to him forawhile n i left lookin for ms karam...but she wasn't in so i just left a note n the list slipped inside her room...

reached grandma hse soon cuz bro came n picked me up...i got sleepy again n i slept in one of the rooms...woke up n i went blur again ahahah lepak in my aunt hse cuz her hse is just next door of grandma hse! ahaha condominiums...nice once in a while...thn only we came back...kevin still buggin me to meet up with junkiat n adam again...he got so interested in seein them...wht the hell...isnt tht supposed to be me? ahahah still i didnt go cuz i have no reason to go since i dont need to go thr to learn bout handball n all rite? takkan i go thr n i bet their friends will b teasin again...but i'll be seein them comin thurs..lookin forward ekekek...

ohh class started as usual, 8am n tht 4hrs break wasn't too bad afterall, the whole BOD of masscolympic members had a meetin together for like 2 or 3hrs..n thn continued with havin another meeting with ms karam...everything went quite smoothly except one thing..which i felt kinda guilty about...it was havin the handball as part of the game...i didnt get to put it as part of the games...i set up the games n yet not able to put handball in it...how bad i felt cuz sincerely, justin offered to help out.. n thn jun kiat n adam was kinda delightful to help me out..they are really kind n nice lads who offers to help without any hesitations!!! its hard to find ppl like them nowadays...n thts not for rewards...now tht i need them no more since the game is not included, i definitely dont noe wht to say! so i decided to drop by at the secondary high again...with 2motives, one which is to visit them hopin i could have better conversation this time n 2ndly, to let adam noe bout the cancelation thingy...whn i reached, i saw no one who i could go to except kar heng n smone sittin next to him..not tht close to kar heng but wht the heck, i still have to talk rite?? n so i asked whrs adam..instead of jk, no idea y but i just have some troubles in communicating with him..not tht we will fight or wht, just tht i'm still too shy to talk..n saw adam walkin back from the canteen with fishballs n drinks in his hands, i called him n i looked up to him first time ever!!! this is so real, no exaggerating but tht very moment, wht i saw was only a ray of light shinin upon him well thts cuz it was so hot n sunny tht time!!! was the sun light! ahah n i saw nothing else except his pair of beautiful eyes!!! his eyes is sooooo different from anyone of us since he's mix..his iris was blueish n greenish...do we call is aqua in color then? but his eyes are sooo attractive ahaha as if he can really melt my heart at tht particular moment...told him bout it n he was kinda cool with it..so i spent 2hrs thr ..not tht bored n quiet this time...adam talked to me so i didnt really feel too bored...instead, jk n i didnt even mentioned a word to each other at all!!! so i came up smthin in my mind..'were u shy or was i then'...no idea i just knew jks friend were teasin him with me while he himself tried draggin adam along into the 'game'...not too interested...sat thr n was lookin at the field...not at jk...i wanted to but hmm no idea...i'm still shy not too myself yet..later at night, he came online n msged me like he did all the time, guess wht? told me tht he realized he n i didnt talk for the whole 2hrs!! yeah!! of course...was so obvious...so i just sum it up tht he was too shy n the same goes to me...n we both were competing over whos gonna be the most shy-est one...i was crappin basically...apparently, he said he was rather pai seh to talk cuz his friends were teasin him again..well y would he need to bother bout wht his friends thinks of?? sighs...no idea wht guys have in mind...but overall, i love the day cuz it wasn't rainin like the few days b4...adam talked to me n i like his voice seriously ahahah nice nice...no motives yet for now i noe...n thts me...easily to get myself attracted to ppl...ahahaha but its the fact!!! he's voice is really nice n his eyes ahaha can really electrify gurls easily...wonders why does he need to stay single n yet complainin bout his status...as for jun kiat...grrrr if he ever reads this!! u need to WORK ON UR COMMUNICATION SKILLS!!!!! we cant just be SO QUIET each time we meet!!!

was supposed to watch the friendly match thingy yesterday but it rained heavily..so i went this afternoon...was lookin forward in seein them for the first time after so many yrs...who knows my heartbeat went so fast...didnt really felt it til i reached n i decided to walk to them...mom stopped me by the entrance n called up adam..wanted to confirm if the one in green tee was him...it is n he asked me to get out from the car! since i was thr adee aight?..ahahaha while i was approchin them, i heard them shouting n laughin real hard...my younger bro was with me..i tot they were laughin cuz i was practically bringin a kid with me to watch a handball practice among sec high n graduates students..my heart was beatin real hard n i could really feel my cheek was burnin hot...like a flame..jun kiat said hello n i did the same..stood right next to him..not tht he's standing but he was sittin on top of the benches...n i was rather standin lookin down on the ground or facing the field...with my bro...dua dua bodoh tercegat kat situ...ahahaha til jun kiat said y dont u go thr n sit down instead of standin ? aahaha GUD IDEA..least he's sayin smthing...oh god..i was numb...lost n blur at the same time..i knew they were kinda shy to approach me too since they didnt really dare to talk to me or wht...n damn cuz of tht i was left sittin on the bench lookin nowhrelse but right foccused on the field...saw how they played..not the whole game, just how they practice in shooting the balls....one word says it all! OUTRAGEOUS! the game is pretty bold n interesting yet risky and dangerous...i'm worried...if the students of taylors coll could accept this n learn them in a few minutes..basically...i didnt stop for long..roughly around 45minutes n me n my bro left cuz it was drizzling..couldnt wait any longer since my younger bro was with me...do have some responsibilities in him rite? if he gets sick, i'll be dead...so i called up mom n she came within seconds! ahahah well the skul is only a walkin distance from my hse...dont get me wrong..walkin distance is yet a DISTANCE to walk...so mom drove us thr... to sum it up, it was nice meetin them but we were all still a stranger to each other i guess eventho we laugh n talk all the time via msn...weird ahaha i guess i'll be thr tmrw cz i didnt get to watch the whole game..just tht small part whr they practice how to shoot balls..lol hopefully it wont rain tmrw n we all get to talk more...i'll b headin thr alone tmrw..hmmm still a lil worried tho...

fuh!! too many things to start off with! last sat went to ss 19th bdae thingy...its more like err gatherin whr all our friends gather around n have fun n chill!! i've just known them for 10mths or more but i'm really fortunate in meeting them..thanks to ron cuz i first knew him n thn i went out with him to atmos..which was my first time visit thr..tht was when i got to know san san, ss, beng beng and others!! sorry for not naming u guys cuz i havent get to see u all for another 2nd or third time...so i couldnt really rmb ur names...newayz they are truely friendly n i find tht my life goes wilder n happenin whneva i'm with them!! but the last time i saw them was roughly last september where i invited them to celebrate my bdae..ron wasn't included back then ahahah ohh so last sat was all one long night!!! blur me!!! ss was supposed to pick me up in front of main campus..but thn he havent taken his bath so mom decided to drop me at his hse...n he gave me the right add but i heard it wrongly..it was D but i heard B! so my mom n i went round n round the whole housing area just to find tht B side...n thn we thought tht we've found it..called up n beng answered the call...n only he repeated sayin its D not B..DONKEY!!! not BOY! ahaha oops...no wonder it took us to long searchin for it..okie thn later then..ss drove his new car a black vios while me n beng carpool with kevin a new friend tht i've got to know tht day..to san sans hse..whr we all gathered there..later at night around 8smthing we left to road hse grill , smwhr near san sans hse at ampang..the place was cool, saw loads of fake cowboys or cowgirls! ahaha all in their own costumes..9of us went n we ordered diff types of cuisines..i ordered fish n chips n a diet coke which cost me aroundrm20..everything were served in very big servings..but i'm on diet!!! i couldnt feed myself too much!! so i gave half of my fish to ss, the bdae boy! ahaha ron sat next to me so we got to talk fer awhile...he looked tired n perhaps understressed which cause him to look old enuf..ahaha we then left to passion! not a youth place to be in but a high class place would need ppl like us to make it more happenin rite?

we all danced like no ones buisness! damn it was so cool! we had 5guys n 4gurls tht night..n all guys shuffled n ahaha obviously all those ppl over thr got so shocked lookin at us all using so much space to shuffle n tht they couldnt dance as well as us! ahaha the place got heat us cuz of us..ahaha it became crowded only after we went on dancing non stop...had fun whole night long...kelvin , san sans bf was funny as well! doing silly moves n did all 70's moves..kevin ron n beng shuffled, san san me n lynda danced n turned guys on..woohoo...jason was high toso basically we all went high! but not as high as ss! ahaha saw him so happy n high...paid rm60 for the liquor n of course payin it for the first time ever, i need to drink rite? so i drank kinda lot not drunk yet..heh cuz i sweat loads tht night..

i had some indirect misunderstanding with my gudfriend in college..she was the one who have been thr all the time cuz we both spent most of the time in coll...thrfore she noes more than anyone bout my personal life n my characters..but this time she kinda dissapoint me..i wasn't too angry bout it..but we've worked it out ...it's all back to normal today n tht i'm glad we r still friends..no matter we r friends or relatives or lovers...its all bout being honest..n if we r all willing to be one...me n lu yi had chose to be honest...she msged me yesterday evenin' if i was mad at her..seriously i did at first..we should've discussed bout everything b4 we come to any decision..n of course by the two of us..not only by one party...we never question ourselves cuz we have already accepted the fact tht no matter wht, we will both be in the same grp..but just cuz tht melissa n pei mei wanted to be in the grp n tht taminy wanna squeeze in...she came up with a decision tht she'll be with melissa n pei mei n i'll b with taminy..n thn we r no more longer in the same grp then! she asked another new gurl tht we both weren't familiar with to be in HER grp...while i was left out with taminy...desperately searchin for another 2more gurls to be in the grp assignment...it has to be four...tht really made me silent! i got kinda dissapointed n confused for her sudden change n i noe wht am i doing! i think b4 i said all these..i mean she shld've discussed with me! so when the class ended yesterday, i left without sayin gudbye to her n she sensed tht out, i believed...n i read the msg she msged...i didnt reply..til this morning...i realised she didnt really dare to talk to me til i approached her...n she felt kinda releived tho we both didn't mentioned bout it...i came home n i decided to reply her msg yesterday..i wanted to talk to her face-to-face but i decided to just msg her...told her wht i thought of, n she too confessed ..i guess we r still gud friends afterall cuz its only a small misunderstanding tht can be endured...

lastnight was kinda funny....slept around12am n suddenly kelly called....askin whr am i n wht am i doing..thn suddenly she told me tht desmond a clubber friend of ours..liked me..n he just passed the phone to him..he didnt say much or it might not be really...so he just kept quiet..so well i couldn say much ahahah thn gotta crap with them for a while b4 i hang up...this mornin kelly told me tht her bf told her so..well i dont believe ahahaha n later inthe afternoon kelly called again..askin the same question again this time..n she just told me tht she's with desmond again..n passed the phone to him..ahaha this time i didnt get to talk to him for long cuz my lecturer was already inthe class...n i was so in the front..cant risk to get fired from her...

san san told me earlier tht ss bdae is comin soon...well its tmrw!!! 24th ahahah i'd love to go!! they r plannin to go passion this fri...for sure i'll b going but probably i might not cuz one of my relative is gettin married so gonna attend her wedding not noein' when...hopefully its not this fri...cuz i have to let go of my free tickets to zouk this sat just cuz we r going up to genting...grr....

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY n RELIEVED!!!! guess wht!! i got so worried yesterday for i thought john didnt wanna talk to me anymore cuz i'm not a christian! silly me! i even had tht in mind extended til just now...cuz lastnight i msged him..but he didnt reply..til b4 i offline, i msged n sort of leavin him a note tht y is he not replyin me..n i offline..til today after class i went to pyramid with mom n younger bro, kevin n got home an hr ago, i came online..n wht i saw totally released me from my dumbness...i checked my mails as usual n i saw a mail from john..his was the first to open n i read thru each word he wrote..it was a reply from my last msg n also bout his explanation y isn't him replyin me...he started off by callin me sweets *love him much* , n thn he started tellin me tht he knew tht i msged him but he didnt get to reply me eventho he wanted to..it was due to some disconnections n all n tht he is still tryin to solve the problem n to rectify it..n he told me how glad he was to noe me n he would sincerely want to meet me up..n tht our dream will b magical..i bet it is..n he signed off by askin me to eat more n tht his anxiety grows more n more each time to anticipate our conversation!!! awwwww.......thts so touchin!!!! all my silly thoughts flew right out from my mind, my thoughts were all distinguish from reality...but i love it!!! least now he had explained everything to me..i need not to worry bout whether he accept me or not as a buddhist...things tht concern bout religion matter...i'm missing him...loads...

call me bit*hy or flower heart gurl or any names, i'm missing jun kiat too! ahaha john is in spore whras jk is stayin right near me....used to b close back in elementary skul *according to him* n tht we havent been keepin in touch for so many yrs til he msged me thru friendster n we exchanged number..til then he frequently msges me with cute msges n archives..n now he's in my msn list so its like i'll get to chat with him everyday since online has becom my daily routine..he has been a wonderful guy so far eventho he's not gud in words..he's not those flirtatious guys tht i've seen n met all these while, he's simply different..honestly, he's tht type of guy who can keep a gurl safe n warm..n i admire him for tht..pretty active n sporty as far as i'm concerned...name it handball, futsal, football, basketball..he has sports cells all over his body! undeniable tht he's COOL huh! weird but his friends told me bout him alot..n tht his friends even asked if i have feelins for him or wht i think bout him..cuz its impossible for them to noe wht he thinks unless he told them right? bah. i care no more...

exams finished..its the worse part of all....gettin back our results...nerve reckin...let me have them in peace..lol i cant afford to lose any credibility....hate it much but i'm not given any options...we'll c how it goes...

few days back i was still bloggin happily for everything was going smoothly..i did not ask for anything much for wht i had so far is somthing tht i wish to have....i dont noe if i'm being sensitive but i felt tht john wasn't talk to me like he used to which was only few days back...i just mentioned how good he was n how understandin n open minded he was each time we talked but lastnight was totally different..we were talkin nicely til i mentioned the word 'pray'...does religion play tht big role? even in making friends? or even if he likes me..whr religion plays a big part in deciding his partner? i do know tht he is a christian but was a buddhist once...n he asked me if i was a christian...i cant just lie to him n say i am cuz the fact is i'm not...i told him tht i'm a buddhist n tht silly me..i thought it was nothing to lose about...realised tht i was a buddhist..whteva i told him after tht...wasnt responded nicely by him..all he did was sendin me a smiley face n short responses like 'yeah' oh' okie..n all...i mean he'll never react as such to me...even if he's bz he'll still tell me tht he's bz n sorry n all..but this time..he gaves em the feelin tht he cares bout religion n al....was i too sensitive? judge it n i guess it would b true enuf to tell the truth...i mean y is he being so sensitive n concern bout religion? does it mean christian can only befriend with christian only?n the next thing i noe was him not replyin me n went offline after tht...is he tht worthy for me to think futher more? i mean if thts the truth, i'll not think tht h'es tht perfect guy anymore..flaws tht i cant accept...n if i'm wrong...tht would b great better to have his explanation tnite..

on theother hand.. jun kiat n i chatted for so long til 4.30 am ! oh god...we havent chat for 3days ahaha n he was suprised to hear me tellin him bout how many days we have not talk..he's a friendly nice chap which i think he's really a wonderful friend...asked him for help for my event thingy...its soon n i'm lack of time cuz i need confirmation soon...asked if he n his friends could go with me on tht event day n help me to either demonstrate tht game or brief thru the rules to them..n at last, to bcome referees for tht handball game! i'm worried tho..i mean i havent see him for so many yrs ahahan til i decided to see him, is only cuz i needed his help...ahaha told my mom n she said just tell them , jun kiats friends tht u r gonna take them around taylors n make new friends..gfs....n shockingly..ahaha i said no way! jun kiat is mine ahahahaahah...n she just said well tell them tht but to state clearly enuf, tell them tht jun kiat is urs..ahahaha

just got back from coll n i'm tired..i slept in the class for almost 2hrs during lecturers...i guess the lecturer saw me sleepin but i guess i didnt interupt her class...lucky me...not being punished...moms gonna ask me to do hsework soon...oh god so i just wish tnite john will b able to tell me whts wrong with him lasst nite..n jun kiat to confirm with me if he could help me out...

stayed in the hse since this morning...didnt really go anywhr, did some hsework n helped out mom n here i came online to blog n online...listenin to jay chous songs..they r real nice songs..cuz mayb i'm just got hypnotize by them due to past memories i had with all my ex..those songs really did accompanied me thru up my days n nights with them...well wasn't feelin like talkin n once i came online i met john..he's observant..he is..able to sense tht i'm not talkin as much as i used to..n he asked if i'm troubled or being bothered with smthing..n its not bout havin problems or not..mayb i just dont have tht mood yet..gotta chat wit him for awhile..n he's just right thr for me..he's been online kinda often for the past few days..no idea y but i'm glad to have his company.. he's been tellin me bout it nhe mentioned bout it more detail earlier..

told me tht he has smthing on his mind since we both have been chattin n talk for so long..n i asked whts on his mind then...he spilled it out..sayin tht questions like 'why can't we be close, whts with the distance n timing...' n said tht life is funny...well i do agree with him..life is ironic i do believe that..its not up to us to decided when n whr n who we would meet in our life..its unpredictable too...wanted to tell him more bout how i think of it..but bro came in n i have to close his window n i told him tht we'll continue at night...cuz thr r loads to tell..til my bro left he's still online but we couldnt talk for long cuz he have to go out for dinner..so everything left hangin thr...we both made a promise to talk tonite..its like online is not bout chattin or wasting my time nemore..its more of a thing tht i must do everyday cuz its bout me n him too...its how we communicate n whr we could spend more time to understand each other..

stil feelin not well....dont really have appetite yet...no idea y but hmm mayb i'll just eat some cuz he ask me to so not to let him worry..ohhhhh tired but contented for his existence plays a big part in my life...for now at least....

went out in the afternoon n got back in the evenin..tired n i took a nap in the evening b4 goig out for dinner...the RESULTS? i couldnt sleep later at night lastnight...but i wasn't feelin regretful...it has been a wonderful n a memorable night for me instead..the whole night....til this mornin..no on couldn't believe this, guess wht? instead of forcing myself to sleep, i'd been online eversince my bro left which was 11smthin i guess...n from 10people chattin to me, it had decreased to only a few of them chattin with me..all of them were pretty important to me...one was a guy tht i'm attracted to, one was my favourite sweetest cutie netfriend tht i've known him for 2yrs eversince i had a msn email account, n lastly, a guy whose a friend of my primary close friend..i might find myself attracted to him as well...*laughs* its like whoah! 3guys in a row? i mean all these do happens whn u realised tht all of ur chatters are guys! but they are pretty important ahahaha in a way...so i was havin real fun n great moment chattin with this netfriend of mine who's bred n born in spore..he's a not so typical sporean as in kiasu n kiasi wtheva names tht've been given to sporeans..but i like him alot! i call him john a.k.a cutie..n he calls me sweets! *grins* he's the only netfriend tht i used to n do love chattin with now n then...its weird but all the things we'd talked bout were all loving, touchy, compliments, confessions..we need no reason to fight or tease or scold or bang each other with ugly words..its plain sweet whneva we chat..thts a great thing to noe! n we do email eachother at times..believe it anot, we chat til 4am! i asked him to sleep but he didnt want to cuz i wasn't sleepin yet...til i guess i really gotta sleep since 4am is LATE enuf to get me a pair of panda eyes..i left the msn n left him a mail..n he rpelied me this morning..a sweet one..we've plan to meet up...since his mom do comes down to kl smtimes, eventho everything may not be real or as perfect tht i've think of, but its a real sweet dream tht me n him wouldn't wanna be awake...

next thing, i've no idea y but my primary close friends friend kinda asked me if i have any feelings for my friend..n i was like ignoring him by sayin its funny for him to ask me tht..n i told him tht my friend is worth me checkin him out..cuz he's indeed a nice n warm guy..its more like he take actions more than sweet talks..i do admire him tht..n other of his friends too came tellin me tht he mentioned me n wonders if he's going after me or otherwise..i cant say anything cuz it may not b real n i don't wanna sum up anything at this moment..its still too early for any assumptions..but oh god..its like i never thought tht this would HAPPEN! guess wht? i dreamt bout him lastnight..til this mornin after i woke up, i kinda still rmb wht happened..cool enuf huh? dreamin bout a guy?

funny enuf, cuz in the dream..me n him were together n that i really felt tht feelin in me..i was huggin him n we were sleepin..n everythin in tht dream looked so real!!! but the feelin was warm enuf to keep me smilin whn i was sleepin..ahahaha so my dream is a real sweet one huh? no idea why i had tht dream..wht causes it but bah. as long its not harmful, i'm glad tht its a dream...

exams exams n exams...why can't we have a long break after that? it has alwiz been the same..a STUDY break b4 the exam...its not a holiday we need to study! wht the hell...aren't we supposed n deserve to have at least 2weeks holidya after our exams? we think so hard, we spend so much time studyin n revising n yet classes are back to normal right after exam...hmmph..

newayz i didnt really study this semester...just had my first paper today...not bad neither hard nor easy..pretty cool with it..i slept at 3am this morning n i woke up at 6 n 7a.m...prepared myself n read thru those notes again n again b4 i entered the exam hall...i wasn't feelin nervous cuz i think the more u study the more nervous u r! in other words, i'm just a lazy bum who hardly studies...procrastinator of course! this sem, i guess i just became much laid back...don't feel like touchin the book til the very last minute...but i do flipped thru my notes n readin it back n forth smhow kinda absorbed into my brains effectively...the paper was okay..i had public relation today...was an hr paper n i'd managed to finish it by half an hr time...i've no idea if tht was a gud choice or not....saw most of my friends writing non stop n filling up those spaces as much as possible....heh i don't care..hopefully i'll able to earn some marks..not remarkable but average..i dont want to look horrible with my bad marks...just stay cool...

so lazy....i miss ma bed...cuz i didnt get to sleep the whole night...no exam tmrw but will b on thurs n fri...thought of cleanin up my room cuz its gettin dusty!! lol...gotta change my matress perhaps...sweep n mop my floor n clean up the mess...too bad...i have loads of housework to do..mom's pesterin me right now...i have to hang out the clothes...she's nagging!!!! urgh..gotta go...